Why I am writing this blog
I had initally decided to write the blog completely anonymously so my husband wouldn't find it but whilst writing I have discovered that it might be good to show you who I am.
I also wanted to write this blog so I could write down my feelings and see if there are other parents out there that have the same issues as me.
This will be sort of like a diary in the hope that I meet other parents the same as me and I get my feelings out there because frankly I have had enough.
Here goes:
I gave birth to my beautiful daughter a few years ago and I was so happy that I had a little girl and a baby it was all I ever wanted. We had a fantastic relationship i just don't know where it all went wrong.
A bit of background. I was on maternity leave with my daughter and at a certain age I found out I was pregnant with my next baby. I then went back to work full time once my year was up and then went on mat leave again to have my second baby.
If you look back at the photos that we have taken together as a family and videos when we are all together my husband is always holding her. Even at her birthday party she only ever wanted to be with her Daddy and stuck to him like glue (she was anxious and overwhelmed). What had I done wrong to not be able to give MY daughter the support she wants and needs? What have I done wrong that our relationship is not strong enough that she won't even come to me for comfort except if I am the only one there?
I noticed once she started going to nursery that she didn't want me at all. When me and her daddy would pick her up she would ignore me and only want her daddy. To any mum this is soooo painful, I can't describe it to be rejected by your first baby that you carried for 9 months breastfed for a year and like that you are forgotten. I felt like I had physically lost my daughter which is awful.
Something my family picked up on was that my daughter would be picked up by my husband all the time and she would constantly sit on his hip, he would always give in to her basically he was the super soft touch and she loved that and knew it would work wonders for her. My family thinks that is why she doesn't come to me.
They suggested to my husband that he pushes her towards me in a gentle way and encourage her to love me and come to me just as much. But my husband has to be willing to do this he hardly ever is. This sometimes works but not always and she has a full on meltdown. It is more like it is forced love than her actually wanting to love me. Her daddy never encourages her to come to me, he always puts her in the car seat and sorts her out and changes her nappy etc. I want him, to want this change to happen as well. I can't be making all of the effort.
Looking back at photos I wondered if I made a rod for my own back by letting her daddy hold her all the time. I just wanted them so badly to have an amazing relationship, this was something so important to me. I even question if my husband had too much skin to skin time with my daughter when she was born did this affect it all? Or am I just not meant to be a mother? am I meant to be here to breastfeed them for a year and then go?
As time goes on I would ask her for a cuddle from her dad and she would shy away and not want me, she says no when I ask her for a cuddle. She gets upset if I try to help her with breakfast and her Daddy is around she wants him to do it not me and all hell will break loose if I step in. Occasionally in the past she has loved me but there are times where it goes wrong and she doesn't want me and all I hear around the house is "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy." actually on a general basis that is what I hear. Apparently she can say mummy/mama but I never hear it unless someone asks her to say it. I just want her to want me, I want her to come to me and want to take comfort from me.
Today she woke from a nap and had her nappy done then she went for a cuddle into her Daddy's arms on her own accord I HAVE NEVER HAD THIS.
Everyone keeps saying to me "is she a Daddy's girl" and I always say no. I HATE this saying with a passion she is not a Daddy's girl she is our girl. But today I have decided to stop fighting this and stop fighting to have my little girl love me and just let her be HER DADDY'S GIRL. I have given up fighting for a her love she will come to me when she is ready and her Daddy will change when he is ready. No one can push either of them.
I feel like I am mourning the loss of a child. I have my other little baby but I am so scared him going to his Daddy as well that I am so protective of him with his Dad.
I am currently looking out of my window petrified of the up coming holiday of what lows it is going to hold because all my little girl is going to want is her Daddy and of course he is going to want hold his girl 24/7 because he normally works.
I think our relationship is tarnished.
Done.
I also wanted to write this blog so I could write down my feelings and see if there are other parents out there that have the same issues as me.
This will be sort of like a diary in the hope that I meet other parents the same as me and I get my feelings out there because frankly I have had enough.
Here goes:
I gave birth to my beautiful daughter a few years ago and I was so happy that I had a little girl and a baby it was all I ever wanted. We had a fantastic relationship i just don't know where it all went wrong.
A bit of background. I was on maternity leave with my daughter and at a certain age I found out I was pregnant with my next baby. I then went back to work full time once my year was up and then went on mat leave again to have my second baby.
If you look back at the photos that we have taken together as a family and videos when we are all together my husband is always holding her. Even at her birthday party she only ever wanted to be with her Daddy and stuck to him like glue (she was anxious and overwhelmed). What had I done wrong to not be able to give MY daughter the support she wants and needs? What have I done wrong that our relationship is not strong enough that she won't even come to me for comfort except if I am the only one there?
I noticed once she started going to nursery that she didn't want me at all. When me and her daddy would pick her up she would ignore me and only want her daddy. To any mum this is soooo painful, I can't describe it to be rejected by your first baby that you carried for 9 months breastfed for a year and like that you are forgotten. I felt like I had physically lost my daughter which is awful.
Something my family picked up on was that my daughter would be picked up by my husband all the time and she would constantly sit on his hip, he would always give in to her basically he was the super soft touch and she loved that and knew it would work wonders for her. My family thinks that is why she doesn't come to me.
They suggested to my husband that he pushes her towards me in a gentle way and encourage her to love me and come to me just as much. But my husband has to be willing to do this he hardly ever is. This sometimes works but not always and she has a full on meltdown. It is more like it is forced love than her actually wanting to love me. Her daddy never encourages her to come to me, he always puts her in the car seat and sorts her out and changes her nappy etc. I want him, to want this change to happen as well. I can't be making all of the effort.
Looking back at photos I wondered if I made a rod for my own back by letting her daddy hold her all the time. I just wanted them so badly to have an amazing relationship, this was something so important to me. I even question if my husband had too much skin to skin time with my daughter when she was born did this affect it all? Or am I just not meant to be a mother? am I meant to be here to breastfeed them for a year and then go?
As time goes on I would ask her for a cuddle from her dad and she would shy away and not want me, she says no when I ask her for a cuddle. She gets upset if I try to help her with breakfast and her Daddy is around she wants him to do it not me and all hell will break loose if I step in. Occasionally in the past she has loved me but there are times where it goes wrong and she doesn't want me and all I hear around the house is "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy." actually on a general basis that is what I hear. Apparently she can say mummy/mama but I never hear it unless someone asks her to say it. I just want her to want me, I want her to come to me and want to take comfort from me.
Today she woke from a nap and had her nappy done then she went for a cuddle into her Daddy's arms on her own accord I HAVE NEVER HAD THIS.
Everyone keeps saying to me "is she a Daddy's girl" and I always say no. I HATE this saying with a passion she is not a Daddy's girl she is our girl. But today I have decided to stop fighting this and stop fighting to have my little girl love me and just let her be HER DADDY'S GIRL. I have given up fighting for a her love she will come to me when she is ready and her Daddy will change when he is ready. No one can push either of them.
I feel like I am mourning the loss of a child. I have my other little baby but I am so scared him going to his Daddy as well that I am so protective of him with his Dad.
I am currently looking out of my window petrified of the up coming holiday of what lows it is going to hold because all my little girl is going to want is her Daddy and of course he is going to want hold his girl 24/7 because he normally works.
I think our relationship is tarnished.
Done.
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